"so you're not going to be around here for that much longer, so there's really no point in letting yourself be with them, you know?"

"yeah, I know."

yeah well its stupid and shit but...whatever.

i think for once i actually want something out of life instead of just...nothing. instead of just running away from everything.

im not sure why i was ever so concerned

i lose interest in things so quickly and just kind of give up subconsciously. so why was i ever worried? hahhaa.

it doesnt happen often, that i do. so, i just stop. simple. easy. i dont like playing those games.

so i can find other games to play.

Hm. I have done this before and I know exactly what I'm doing. Kind of.

Peace. I'm glad that I met you, though. And stuff.

II.

30 Random Facts About Me

•I cannot stomach the smell of formaldehyde.

•Food, after I'm done eating, makes me feel sick.

•I only like odd numbers -- even ones feel too soft.

•Hearts of palm are one of my favorite snack foods.

•I cannot handle the texture of squash or eggplant.

•The color purple is my least favorite color.

•Cyanide is my favorite chemical compound.

•I am deathly afraid of throwing up.

•My shoe size is size 6 in mens.

•Sharks make me feel uneasy, though I have swam with them.

•I rode horses for 7 years and only fell off three times.

•Death has never frightened me.

•I have played the piano and the french horn.

•My eyes are blue, but I wish they were brown.

•I wish I had majored in chemistry.

•I think people are interesting, but I hate most people.

•Crushes are not really something I often get.

•I used to want to be an entomologist

•I have been to space camp.

•Other people's feelings are easy for me to understand, unnervingly so.

•I am dyslexic: I can't count things in groups larger than three.

•I tried to cheat my way through physics, but almost failed anyway.

•Constantine is my favorite movie.

•Ghosts kind of scare me, but I would be sad if they weren't real.

•At the moment, my favorite color is red.

•I love being alone.

•I can't sleep between the hours of three and four am.

•Monkeys are my least favorite animal.

•I was born thousands of years too early.

•Three is my favorite number.

I.

I've always thought that New Years resolutions are pointless. When I was little and someone would ask me what my resolution was, I would always make up something stupid like, "I'll try to be a nicer person," or some shit like that. Not that being a nice person is bad or anything, but really, why should you have to resolve do do that? You should just be a nicer person if you feel you need to be. I was talking with my mother about this recently because my parents have never made resolutions either, so I never thought resolutions were really an important thing. My mom brought up an interesting idea that one of our relatives was talking about: for the New Year, come up with a word that you want to focus your life around. I've chosen mine for this year, and I'm quite pleased with my decision.

"Balance."

It's not as if my life lacks balance as it is, but I fell like I could always use a bit more. My mind could always use a better equilibrium. It's healthy.

And sometimes I should remember to breathe.